Be Brilliant; Make Olive Oil (Just Journal)

Everyone who knows me, knows I have a love affair with paper. I write little notes and reminders on small pieces of paper and then stick them inside books, planners, my purse, etc. I have also used a monthly/weekly planner consistently for at least 20 years of my life- keeping the last 12 years in my box of "junk" in the attic. You would think all of this would keep me neat, organized, and tidy. But if that were true the title of the this Blog would definitely NOT be "Messy Me."

One morning routine I started when trying to adopt was to use a journal during my morning quiet time with God. Over the years, this has come to be something I cherish. In the beginning, I tried to keep my journals very concise and orderly... but again... can't.do.it! So they've evolved. What started out as reflection on the Scripture I read that morning, prayers for others, and then just general me talking to God- has turned into words, prayers, prayer request, drawings, doodlings, rants, and sometimes encryptic talks between me and God where I only use the first letter of whatever word I was saying which means I can't go back and re-read (obviously I think these discussions never need to be revisited). In a nutshell- my journals have come to represent me and my time with God; in whatever state I may be in when I arrive to visit with Him in my PJs and coffee that morning. 

My biggest take-aways and benefits of using a journal are: 
1. Slow Dowwwnnnn: You know you need to. We go about our lives and days so haphazardly. Journaling causes me to slow down and truly spend time before the throne with our Creator.
2. Get it Out: I don't know about you, but I tend to bottle up my true self sometimes. I don't always say what I'm struggling with, what's on my mind and heart, and/or really stop to consider how this might affect me. Journaling provides me with that opportunity. 

But the biggest reward of journaling (and the reason I urge you to start) is simply for the benefit of going back and re-reading your journal. While moving forward provides the benefits I just mentioned, going back and reading- SEEING- how God has used the situations, Scripture, the fires you are walking through, the highs and lows, the answered prayers and the answers you're continuing to pray about is amazing. If anyone asked me how I know that God is evident in my life as a driving force to be reckoned with- I would simply hand him my journals. They speak for themselves. They serve as a constant reminder that My Redeemer truly lives. He speaks to me daily- even when I am skeptical and feel like maybe I am just talking and doodling alone. He prepares us well in advance for the valleys we are about to walk through and rest assured, He knows it all before we ever utter the first word to speak to Him about something. A sweet friend recently said, "Nothing catches God off guard. He knows it all before we do. He walks before us daily in all situations." Re-reading my journals, I see this statement as fact. 

It is said that if an olive tree is cut down, the shoots from its roots continue to grow, ensuring it's continued existence. Up to five new trunks could come into being. I feel like in many ways this is a good analogy for the trials and setbacks we encounter in life. God is continually trimming us up, snipping our dead parts, pressing us to be used for His purpose in His timing. Journaling allows you to see this as evidence in your life. So I challenge you. Buy a small journal. (I personally like the kind with a spiral so I can fold it back, instead of the type that are bound like a book- but again, it's a personal preference.) Ask God how He would like to use it as a way to remind you of His presence in your life, and play with it until you find something that works for you. On the day you think, "I can't do this. I'm not a 'writer'," go back and just re-read what you have so far. Re-live that quiet time, that struggle, or joy with the Lord, and realize maybe you CAN journal. There's no set method to it. Just do it. It may be messy, but always worth it. You will see- God is making olive oil. He is pressing you and molding you. He is using you for His purpose. The Hebrew words for olive tree (tree of oil) is ek shemen. Shemen is related to the word shemesh which means "to be brilliant." So grab a journal, a pen, your Bible............. and be brilliant.

How You Watch Matters

It's been awhile since I have posted, a great deal has happened within my life in the almost year it was been since my last post, and God is teaching me constantly to rely on His timing, His ways, His plan. Always.

I feel a lot like ole Mary and her friends these days. Our family has faced a trial that has tested our faith and stretched our trust. In this Scripture, the women were waiting and watching as Jesus was wrapped in linen cloth and laid within the tomb. I imagine Mary Magdalene to be grief-stricken and devastated as she watched. The Savior, whom had come to save them all, dead..... laid to rest. I'm sure she felt hurt, maybe betrayed, confused. These are the exact feelings I have been faced with recently. And if I am honest, a little angry at the overall situation- yet knowing I have a job to do. As the woman usually does- she picks up the pieces and carries on with life, while dealing with her array of emotions as they come and when she has time to deal with them. 

And yet...

And yet, God is in the miracle business. What Mary didn't seem to expect is for Jesus to raise from the dead. I mean, yeah- he had told his disciples and followers this- but they didn't really believe it. In their minds- for all intents and purposes- this was the end. We even see them in Scripture showing up at the tomb again several days later to check on things and continue with final burial rituals. 

But as we know, it WASN'T the end. God had far bigger plans to restore the human race, and if he can restore a whole people- this gives hope to my own situation. God calls and speaks to us daily, but often we are too loud, too stubborn, too proud to really stop and listen. I pray that we would not be Mary sitting in a hopeless stupor, seeing nothing good to come from the situations we find ourselves in; but instead we be Mary who knows that despite what reality may seem like- God is in the details.... you just have to look for them. And trust.

Balancing Life: Fact or Fiction?

Neither. It is in many ways a trick question.

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Recently I picked up a little devotional at SAMS for a low price, but mainly because of the title, "A Time for Everything: Discovering the Beautiful Rhythms of Life" by Margaret Feinberg. I chose it because it was one of Women of Faith's endorsed studies on Balancing Life. And I do not balance well....or I should say, the act of balancing often eludes me.

One of the first things Mrs. Feinberg talks about is how balancing life if impossible; instead we should take notice of the season we are in and celebrate the gems Christ has for us in the moment. It reminded me of these big rubber balls my children got at the beginning of this summer; the kind you find in a big cage thing at your local Wal-mart that are really big...and bounce really high! :) While I had visions of my kids playing with these balls in our yard, their favorite use of them has been to put them in our pool, and try to balance on top of them. Because there is so much air and the balls don't give much, balancing becomes almost impossible... almost. In each attempt to roll their bodies on top of these huge balls in the water, there is about a second or two that they are marginally successful before the ball comes shooting out of the water like a gusher and they start giggling, ready to try again.

How often do we do the same thing with life?

I probably shouldn't answer this question because I would be the kid still in the pool long into the night while everyone else has gone home thinking there has to be a way... If I can stay up 5 seconds, I should be able to stay up 20. We push ourselves. We want more. We expect more.

The reality (and God's truth for our lives) is that there is a season, a time, for all things, just as Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says. Mrs. Feinberg reminds us that some seasons of life are meant to be busier than other, while some are times of resting or renewal. I made a list in my journal of each season and all of the things I loved about each one. It was really hard for me to pinpoint which one is my favorite because there are many attributes about each I truly cherish and long for; but I often am not so eager for the seasons of life to change, nor do I welcome them as openly. Instead, I try to balance it all. I attempt (feebly) to do it all. I have a human idea in my mind (very idealistic, I might add) of what balance looks like; imagine the ball in the pool, a large platform on top and then me..... juggling life atop! I know. Very grandiose. And also very un-Christ-like. This balancing fantasy I often covet is a belief that I can do it all. It doesn't acknowledge that I truly believe God is in charge of each hour, each second, each season. Instead we are called to simply sit on the edge with our balls and take note of what kind of day it is- one where we chill out in the pool visiting? Play a vigorous game of chicken and ball? Or even sit inside and take a day off from even visiting the pool- no balls needed.

I challenge you to list things you truly love about each season and why. Then think about your own life. What season would you say you're in? One of growth? One of hecticness and hurry? (Yes- I truly believe that is a season of life, especially if you're a young working adult and have children of any age.) One of renewal and new blooms? Whatever season you find yourself, ask God to reveal to you ways to enjoy the moment, the season, for such a time is usually only short lived.

Information Overload: One Day at a Time

Suffice it to it to say- we live in the IO age... Information Overload. Anyone can be a newsmaker and idea shaker through social media sites, blogs, even creating custom websites. We share our ideas, philosophies, and agendas in a myriad of avenues- leaving many conventional methods in the dust. If we are unsure of something, if we have a burning question that just popped into our heads, or (we do this best) if we are multitasking-- at the push of a button Siri or some other form of personal device assistance is at our beck and call and quickly conjures up the needed information or completes the same task we would do ourselves. Convenient? Most of the time. Has it changed our dynamic in the way we think about information and our expectations in getting it?- Absolutely!! There is very little in the world today that we can't find the answer to in mere minutes...seconds. Yes- some problems call for higher level questioning, debating, thinking through, hashing out plans for, etc. but as we do these things- where are we collecting our data from? Where do we go to have our questions answered? Almost every public service, business, organization, and person has their information on the Internet in some form or another. Will you have to dig? Occasionally. Will you still be able to find, at the very least, bits and pieces of information? Guaranteed. To further illustrate this, I will tell you my favorite online bookmarking site is Diigo. With Diigo, I can catalog (save) any webpage I find for further use. In the "old" days we would simply mark a site in our "favorites" but now bookmarking pages has become more sophisticated as the need for organizing the information available to us grows. With Diigo I'm able to categorize the pages I save, annotate them, make notes about them, share them with others, and I can do this without worrying about which device I'm on at the time- smartphone, iPad, tablet, iPod... Diigo is cloud-based so all of my pages that have been saved can be pulled up for perusing at any time, on any device- that's the point of Diigo. We even have a word for the art of sifting through and saving all of this information- curating. Curator jobs are popping up all over the web for many online businesses dealing with disseminating information to its followers. Yes- we all now have our very on followers...but we will save that for another post. 

For tech savvy people, reading the paragraphs above does little in piquing interest or curiosity- it contains terms and information familiar to them. It also doesn't scare them- for they know all of this already. They live it. It's the norm. For people who only read this blog because they know me personally and read out of respect, or for those of you who don't even understand what this "blog" thing is all about and you're simply reading what is written because someone shared it with you- you may not have understood everything (or anything) of what I just said... and that's ok.

My entire point is that when Jesus had a pressing point He needed to know more about, or the disciples suddenly had an urgent question they needed an answer to immediately, or the shepherds were now lost in the country side with a flock of sheep after trying to find the stray- there was no Siri, no GPS, no Google. There was God Almighty. And..... if I'm being brutally honest- that simply is not enough for many of us in today's time. Simply put- we want we expect answers immediately, now, pronto. We expect the information we want answers to, to already be accessible yesterday.

But God doesn't work that way. 

Does He answer our prayers, our questions, or need to know now moments? Absolutely! Every time. Is it always in the human timeframe? Nope. But He is more powerful than Siri or Google or any super computer that man could possibly build. He knows more information than we can even begin to fathom. He can tell me the very number of hairs I have on my head right this very minute- and be 100% accurate. He knows every thought, every tear, every fear, every sin, every concern, every dark secret, every lie, every joy. He knows them all- the good, the bad, and even the ugly. He makes our information overload seem, well, miniscule. 

My point is that often we don't realize the power that quality time with God can bring. We don't connect that, while His means and ways of giving us the exact information/answers/big-picture-data we feel we need instantly are different than what we have morphed into expecting thanks to technologies available to us, He supplies these things regularly, daily, and more consistently than any computer or media source. And-- here's the kicker-- He's ALWAYS right. He's ALWAYS thorough. He's ALWAYS faithful. And-- this is my favorite-- He always gives us what we need to know when we need to know it. 

My need-to-know, Big Picture thinking if definitely a character flaw. Is that a bad thing? Umm... depends on who you ask, but I don't think it is. It's just how God made me. But the IO age I live in doesn't help. It sometimes feeds my crazy need-to-know-now binges. I notice this most when I'm spending quite time with the Lord in the mornings. The mornings are the worst! My time with the Lord starts out slow and steady and then my brain will usually kick into overdrive with a stray thought, a random prayer request that makes me think of something else, an item needed to be done and if I don't write it down I will forget, ... You get the picture. I have even found myself putting down my Bible or journal to grab my phone so I can Google something, write myself a reminder, or look at the calendar. 

Before you judge- think about your own life. We're all deficient in various areas of our lives. We all have flaws in our own prayer lives. We all have distractions in the form of important things- whatever those things may be for you. Maybe you aren't distracted as I sometimes am (very impressive, by the way!!!!) but maybe you doubt God's answers you have longingly prayed for or doubt that He hears you sometimes. Maybe you reject the very tools God has given you to take on a new role or craft out of fear. 

Overload of information, fear, distractions, our own expectations that we will have the answers to life's questions instantly-- whatever the hinderance; whichever way God created you personally-- it's ok. Is it messy? Yep. Inconsistent at times? Yes. Even unhealthy? Can be. But it's ok. Realizing that I expect answers NOW and knowing that I'm geared to want the big-picture ahead of time is half the battle. My goal is to take it one day (literally) at a time and trust that if I give God my undivided attention in the morning (if you're thinking you don't have any free time for this- note: I didn't say free time. You get dressed, right? Put on make-up? Brush your teeth? If so, then use that time, those moments) to focus on God being in charge of your day and resting (yep- I picture myself resting because during the week I feel like a crazy person and some would argue I AM a crazy person) in His knowledge, His will for the day, His answers in His time. 

Am I always successful? Heck no. Even when I get a golden star for the first part, I show up to work realizing a report was due yesterday, clients need to be handled, twelve people are asking different questions of me at once, and "OMG! Where are You?" kicks in (IF I even remember to pray at all)! But that's ok. Baby steps. 

Next post: Pray without Ceasing (For real? He wants me to pray ALL the time?)

Praying for the "Perfect" Life

As I think about all of my prayers growing up and all of the late-night, early-morning talks with Jesus, I realize that for almost all of my life I have prayed for a lifeless life. One that is void of deadlines. messes, sin, and heartbreak- in essence, one that is totally not-of-this-world. To this end- I set myself up for failure each and every time I meet with my Father. While He longs for me to rest quietly in His arms and prepare for my day, I'm busy telling Him some fantasy list of demands that are NEVER going to happen because... (it's almost as if I'm just discovering this)... we live in a broken world. 

Now, I grew up in church. Thinking back to my childhood I remember going to church, being in church, and the ins-and-outs of every room of the church as much as I remember my own home (homes...we moved around a lot). I've even worked in a church. And yet. And yet- I still pray for this well-put-together, unrealistic, problemless world that is only realistic in my mind.  

The truth of the matter is- we are broken. Life is messy. I am messy. I'm a hot mess, as we say in the south. But if someone were to say that about me, I would totally be offended. You see- I want to come across as well-kept, polished, organized, humble. But in reality I tend to be insecure, unsure, and my cleaning skills are sometimes 100% erratic depending on my mood and to-do list. But those are the parts I don't want you to know. 

Today God has taught me that even with the dirt on my floors, my insecurities, and all of my shortcomings-it's ok. I'll say that again because if you're like me then you're either currently looking at your own floors thinking they aren't half bad and patting yourself on the back or you've put aside this blog to grab your to-do list and scribble "clean floors"----- IT'S OK. (And this is the part you're meant to hear)-- We aren't meant to be perfect. Life is not meant to be perfect. Well- actually it is, but that's called heaven and will have to be a different blog post.... I digress- the life, as we know it, will never be perfect simply because we live in a broken world. 

But God takes our brokenness and uses it. He uses it to reveal His love and power in our own lives; He uses it to speak to others; He uses it quite simply for His own purposes- as He sees fit for that day. So when you pray, don't tell God of the life you long to have. Listen for HIS words. Listen for HIS approval. Listen for HIS whisper that your brokenness is HIS- to be used as He sees fit.

Embrace the messy. Love the chaos. Enjoy the ride while you're here on earth. We have all of eternity to embrace the perfect existence, and it's called heaven, where we will live boldly with our Heavenly Father rejoicing at His feet, never to have to worry about the dirt on our floors again. But for today- in the here and now- revel in the dirtiness of life. And speak Life into others. Encourage a neighbor. Do something unexpected for a friend. Pray for a widow. Smile to someone who seems to need it. In the messy busyness that is our reality here on earth- do something with it. And embrace it. As long as we are breathing, it isn't going away.