As I think about all of my prayers growing up and all of the late-night, early-morning talks with Jesus, I realize that for almost all of my life I have prayed for a lifeless life. One that is void of deadlines. messes, sin, and heartbreak- in essence, one that is totally not-of-this-world. To this end- I set myself up for failure each and every time I meet with my Father. While He longs for me to rest quietly in His arms and prepare for my day, I'm busy telling Him some fantasy list of demands that are NEVER going to happen because... (it's almost as if I'm just discovering this)... we live in a broken world.
Now, I grew up in church. Thinking back to my childhood I remember going to church, being in church, and the ins-and-outs of every room of the church as much as I remember my own home (homes...we moved around a lot). I've even worked in a church. And yet. And yet- I still pray for this well-put-together, unrealistic, problemless world that is only realistic in my mind.
The truth of the matter is- we are broken. Life is messy. I am messy. I'm a hot mess, as we say in the south. But if someone were to say that about me, I would totally be offended. You see- I want to come across as well-kept, polished, organized, humble. But in reality I tend to be insecure, unsure, and my cleaning skills are sometimes 100% erratic depending on my mood and to-do list. But those are the parts I don't want you to know.
Today God has taught me that even with the dirt on my floors, my insecurities, and all of my shortcomings-it's ok. I'll say that again because if you're like me then you're either currently looking at your own floors thinking they aren't half bad and patting yourself on the back or you've put aside this blog to grab your to-do list and scribble "clean floors"----- IT'S OK. (And this is the part you're meant to hear)-- We aren't meant to be perfect. Life is not meant to be perfect. Well- actually it is, but that's called heaven and will have to be a different blog post.... I digress- the life, as we know it, will never be perfect simply because we live in a broken world.
But God takes our brokenness and uses it. He uses it to reveal His love and power in our own lives; He uses it to speak to others; He uses it quite simply for His own purposes- as He sees fit for that day. So when you pray, don't tell God of the life you long to have. Listen for HIS words. Listen for HIS approval. Listen for HIS whisper that your brokenness is HIS- to be used as He sees fit.
Embrace the messy. Love the chaos. Enjoy the ride while you're here on earth. We have all of eternity to embrace the perfect existence, and it's called heaven, where we will live boldly with our Heavenly Father rejoicing at His feet, never to have to worry about the dirt on our floors again. But for today- in the here and now- revel in the dirtiness of life. And speak Life into others. Encourage a neighbor. Do something unexpected for a friend. Pray for a widow. Smile to someone who seems to need it. In the messy busyness that is our reality here on earth- do something with it. And embrace it. As long as we are breathing, it isn't going away.
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